Strong Copywriting vs Poor Copywriting (1 of 4)
 Copywriting Example 1 - Click Here |
 Copywriting Example 2 - Click Here |
Take a look at the two websites above.
One of them is an example of very good copywriting and one is an example of poor copywriting.
Do you know which is the good one and which is the poor one?
What are the reasons that the example of good copy is better than the example of poor copy?
Can you see any specific “ingredients” that are being used in the good example?
What is the poor example doing wrong or missing?
Post your comments below!
If you enjoy this post, subscribe to the Free Henry Gold Newsletter
Related Posts:
A Little Information on Henry Gold and His Traffic Blog
Better Blog Content in 5 Simple Steps
How to Power Up Your Sales Copy
Stephen Metcalfe Is The Winner Of The Free Course!
Listen To And Download Teleconference Calls
Scott said,
October 22, 2006 @ 6:52 pm
Hi
Firstly I would like to thank you Henry for the great info you have given us already.
I have changed the colors and removed the bars and article link at he top of the page on advanced wealth planning techniques so far.
The good example is much easier to read, AWPT is hard to read and there are to many distractions as you try to read down the page. The testimonials should be all together, the way they are placed at the moment they break the readers thoughs up to much, it doesnt flow smoothly. I think I need to re- arrange the whole page, I will lay it out in your 8 step format.
I would like as much feed back as possible from everyone, on what they think of the whole site and how it could be improved. Dont be shy, you wont hurt my feelings.
Boris Lindinger said,
October 22, 2006 @ 8:06 pm
Hi Henry,
I would say that the Make1Million site, is the good site, due
to the free incentive of $997. It also made me more curious
Stuart Elliott said,
October 22, 2006 @ 8:37 pm
Hi Henry,
Thanks for an interesting and educational series.
Example 1 is the better of the two letters, the layout of it more tightly focuses the readers eye.
Furthermore there is a complete path for skimmers, the sub-heads stand out and attract attention, the products are inserted into boxes so the viewer can see at a glance what he gets.
And of course the order frorm is focused and a separate entity - if you decide to buy there is no hunting around for a buy now link to click - it’s there, ready and waiting.
In short everything leads you to the order from - Example two, on the other hand, is ‘bitty’ and difficult to follow, the product gets lost in a list of text and the bullets are not very enticing.
The sub-heads blend in and there is too much confusing text colour on the page.
I look forward to your next email,
Keep up the good work!
Stuart Elliott
Faye said,
October 22, 2006 @ 9:33 pm
The first example is the best. No sale ever happens unless hope is invoked. We hope a product will make our life easier, we hope a product will make us feel better about ourselves, we hope a product will help us to create a more successful life.
The first example states in more detail problems to be solved in ways to which most people can relate and offers a solution we hope will help. The second example uses personal experience to relate a time of problems, but doesn’t present the product in such a way as to really invoke hope.
Seth Chong said,
October 22, 2006 @ 11:58 pm
The 1st one definitely rocks.
Right upfront there’s an incredible offer to give people ’something’ away that worths a lot of value. And then followed by another personalized confidential advice and assistance from an expert, which sounds much more closer to a prospect than just asking him a question whether he wants to be rich.
When the paragraphs are centered, they look so much more comfortable to the eye. And there it is, ah.. a subheadline and some eye capturing images, boosted with a headline which makes it more credible and believable.
Right there, some would already be sold — but then it continues with an introduction, which people would feel so deeply motivated to continue reading on.
It works like a greased slide, with full credibility and confidence laid out step by step for the buyer. Nice, man.
James Howard said,
October 23, 2006 @ 1:07 am
Hi
Thanks
Advert number 1 is the one for me.
Highly credible
james Howard
Peter said,
October 23, 2006 @ 3:05 am
Hi
I find both ad’s too loooooong and boring
cut the waffle and get to the sizzle
Peter
Charles Hardy said,
October 23, 2006 @ 4:05 am
Example one is much clearer and quicker to show what is on offer and the advantages that can accrue.
However, the price puts it way out of reach for at least 97% of potential users and indicates flagrant profiteering. I would be surprised if the cost of production exceeded USD30 per set - $197 would be a better price point.
Just to be fair, I wouldn’t buy number 2 either because it’s just an expensive rehash of 50+ year old material.
Number one is my choice for copywriting and layout only with one reservation - it is far too long.
Henry Gold said,
October 23, 2006 @ 7:53 am
Hi Peter,
I think you really misunderstood the concepts
of the long copy vs. Short copy.
You need to dig in the concepts behing the
8 components of good copywriting to see
through the power of those sale letters.
Henry,
Henry Gold said,
October 23, 2006 @ 9:22 am
Hey John,
I am not going to put your comment here, as it is out
of alignment with what our moderator’s requirements are.
I know you understand that.
However….
To respond to your thought, there is one thing that you
have to understand about the law of attraction, that is
that it is really not about manipulating someone’s fear.
It’s not that at all.
It really depends on how you deliver the message to
others. Regardless if you are a religious person or not,
you need to understand that the copywriting secret is
also working with one law and one secret as well.
Even though it is a little bit different from the law
of the attraction, it is essentially very closely
related.
I am NOT trying to tell you what is good and what is bad,
but the copywriting secret is really the basics of how
and what your business will be in the years to come.
This is exactly what many marketers did not tell you.
This is exactly what differentiates a good and a poor website.
This is exactly why 99.99% of the websites out there will
never make money online.
Very simple.
They don’t know the copywriting secret.
Do you think many of my friends becoming very successful,
such as: Mike Filsaime, Gary Ambrose, Russell Brunson,
Socrates Socratous are all a coincidence?
No, it is not coincidence!
It designed that way.
They know the secret.
They know the copywriting secret.
They know that as long as they put up the website, use
the real power of the copywriting secret, it will always
sell.
It always works.
It works with every single person.
It works with every niche they are trying to target.
NO EXCEPTIONS!
This is the reason they keep making a fortune online,
while 99.99% of other websites failed.
Your key is really to find out that secret.
If you don’t know the copywriting secret, you will fail.
If you don’t know how the 8 components of good
copywriting work, regardless what you are trying to
sell, it will always turn out to be a failure.
It is that simple!
Success is YOURS,
Henry Gold
Fred said,
October 23, 2006 @ 10:01 pm
The first example gives the reader the feeling that something good is in it for him, and “hooks” the reader to the copy, it is writen with “you” on mind. There is no doubt to whom it was written. You!
The second example in contrast, is a case of “I” do, can, did, will do.
Nothing is clear for whom is it made for.
Sarah said,
October 24, 2006 @ 7:10 am
Hi Henry,
Now, i’m going to stand apart from the others who have posted here so far, because i actually believe that the 2nd copy is the better of the 2.
I found that yes, while the first one does focus 100% on the product, the benefits and what you will be recieving with the package, it is missing what i feel is the key element that #2 strongly focuses on and that is emotion. It tells a story and makes you really Feel for the product that you are selling. It is also much more simplified than the first copy and i also believe that simple and clearcut is a better technique than a more flashy page.
I found with the first copy, it allowed me to ’skim’ through the page whereas I felt compelled to actually Read through the entire copy of the 2nd. The paragraghs are small and simply stated with bold headlines. When you read through one, you need to go through the other. The testimonials are placed in such a way that it makes a ‘break’ from the reading. It gives the reader a chance to break and then immediately refocus.
There is also another Key component that #2 has. As you go through the copy, there is an email capture box. As you read and capture the feeling, you see the free newsletter which, in my opinion compels a sign-up because it is quick, easy, free and if you’ve read that much, you are probably interested. So even though you may not have made an immediate sale from that person, you have captured their information and are able to build a relationship over the long run which can make for a future sale of not only this product, but potentially others that you have. The first copy does not have this element and once they have left that page, they have left it.
In the first example, I feel that it is missing the emotion and it is also missing the relationship connection. It has a lot of pictures, screen shots and text boxes but I think that it is unneccessary. The 2nd example is able to get its point across without those add-ons and i believe is more effective because it contains the above elements.
Sarah
Albert Grande said,
October 24, 2006 @ 5:49 pm
Although, I really liked 1, my choice goes for number 2.
Why? The copyrighting for 2, immediately included an opt-in box. So although 1 sold a product, number 2 will be albe to sell multiple products over and over again….
Stay well, be well,
Albert Grande
Graham said,
October 25, 2006 @ 3:49 pm
Hi Henry
I think Sarah has it right and I agree with all she has said.
Whilst ad copy no 1 might seem to fit the bill - I think ad copy no 2 is better and more personal. I also think it looks better, the presentation is better, visually I thinkits far superior - and if you are looking to build a customer list, I think this will be more sucessful in the long run.
But hey Henry - your’e the expert!!!!
regards
Graham
Ted said,
October 25, 2006 @ 4:41 pm
Hi
Example 1 looks best becouse Strong Hedlines with Strong word.
A good presentation with pictures and word.
The Layout give more stability.
Just right space betveen pictures and word.
Put in testimonials.
Word “how to build own internet business from scratch”.
Secret weapons, website building, write salesletter
and take care of the subscribers with Expert Coathing team
by Search Engine,PayPal and so on.
I like that you have brakedown the package Manual and the CD
with different colour.
The Bonus and Guarante are wery importent.
Price what you pay for the package and what you can make.
Choose payment option is importent to.
——————–
Example 2
Not same size at the headline text.
The pictures of testimonials are not on the same side, give a confused look.
To much different colour Exp: Light-dark red and some red-brown
I don’t know the name of.
Light-dark yellow.
To much personal presentations.
The testimonials will be better if they have same colour, or maybe
that is different of persons rang?
What I can do with the wealth (not importent).
Let the subscribers do and think self.
Blue background and black text don’t give the eye good contrast.
Scroll down and see.
To much repeat of word and so on.
The reader will be more confuse as longer they reed.
That’s what I think.
Ted Lundin
rico caveglia said,
October 25, 2006 @ 7:26 pm
I tried to post before but i don’t see it? So briefly my main comment is when the offer is 10 cd’s and a 500 page bookand 20 bonuses… its too much i know i will never check it all out. I would rather just have one product that i really feel will help me? Also on the same old format that many expressed as being tired of many we all should come up with some new ideas for sales letter site formats.