Strong Copywriting vs Poor Copywriting (2 of 4)
 Copywriting Example 1 - Click Here |
 Copywriting Example 2 - Click Here |
Take a look at the two websites above.
One of them is an example of very good copywriting and one is an example of poor copywriting.
Do you know which is the good one and which is the poor one?
What are the reasons that the example of good copy is better than the example of poor copy?
Can you see any specific “ingredients” that are being used in the good example?
What is the poor example doing wrong or missing?
Post your comments below!
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Andy Immotna said,
October 24, 2006 @ 5:44 pm
I would go for Example #2..
Probably it’s because of the font style, appropriate font colors to each of the salesletter’s part, graphics used and the testimonial also adds…
Also the emphasis i.e. bulleted and numbered points… and emphasized benefits..
======
inf-o-oasis
http://www.inf-o-asis.com
“Access an oasis of info and infoproducts!”
Rosanna said,
October 24, 2006 @ 6:04 pm
And who ever heard of a 56-day money back guarantee?!
Rosanna said,
October 24, 2006 @ 6:11 pm
2nd example uses a name and a face right up front; the 1st example is anonymous. 2nd example is specific about what it is selling; the 1st is too generic. 2nd example lists mistakes that were made, conveying the impression that the system is tried and debugged. Price in the 1st example is so ridiculously low that it has no credibility. 2nd example offers follow-up support, the 1st does not. And who ever heard of a 56-day guarantee?! But one thing annoys me about both: I’ve been reading so many pitches like this, and they all have the same layout, the same font, the same strategy, the same yellow blocks and red letters, and they’re all $197, or some discount off of that. Don’t you think people would start to see through it after awhile? Isn’t it about time to give these ads a fresh look, so people won’t start saying, “Oh no, not another one”?
Joseph Harmon Sr said,
October 24, 2006 @ 6:16 pm
I agree with Andy above to include the layout of the sample 2 webpage is better laid out. On sample 1 above, the first thing I noticed was in the header image at the bottom right, the word Lost was used instead of using the word Low. Also Sample 1 was just not formatted for the eyes and worst still is that sample 1 does not really tell you anything and leaves you hanging and does not show perceived value. I hope my opinion is somewhat accurate, if not, I apologize. However, I am king on misspelled words and wrong words used. Just cant help that.
Warm regards!
Joseph M Harmon Sr
Henry Gold said,
October 24, 2006 @ 6:17 pm
Rosanna,
You brought up a very good point.
I am very suprise you can pick it up easily.
Great Job!
Henry,
Stuart Elliott said,
October 24, 2006 @ 7:50 pm
Hi Henry,
First to answer Rosanna, if you sell your products through Clickbank you are only allowed an eight week or 56 day guarantee - it’s part of their terms of service.
Yes 56 days is an odd number but at first glance it seems longer than two months or 8 weeks because it IS such an odd number so doesn’t register in the mind.
Letter number two is the best letter, again there is a lot more focus on it, starting with the black background forcing the eye into the body.
The header graphic captures your attention with the word ’solution’, starting a subconcious “at last something to help me” thought in the reader.
The testimonial box after the headline reinforces the message in the headline and builds on the solution, telling the reader that they’re onto something good so they better keep on reading.
The quantity of products and the way they are presented futher reinforce the fact that there is a solution on offer rather than a product.
The tables summarising the offer showcase the value of it, then immediately the reader is shown how he/she can profit with this solution.
Again the table with suggested incomes clearly showcases what’s in it for me.
If the reader isn’t convinced that he/she has to buy now then piling on the bonuses makes them think “I’m going get so much for so little and I can easily make money from this offer, I have to buy…”
Then there’s a nice clear cut guarantee and a powerful order box.
Finally the PS’s revisit the offer just in case you weren’t sure and to present it to the skimmers who first look at the end before they read the body proper.
There are many of these types of letter around but they still work so why reinvent the wheel, a wise man would go with something that works whilst testing something different alongside it.
Stuart Elliott
Dave Saunders said,
October 24, 2006 @ 7:51 pm
I’ll go with #2 as the better example. There’s a real person there. All things being equal, people by from those whom they like. All things being not equal, they still by from those they like.
-Dave
Denis Schwartz said,
October 24, 2006 @ 7:58 pm
I agree with Rosanna … I’ve seen so many of the same old, same old that I could scream. My website may not be the best in the world but at least it is not the same old crap!
The 1st example just did not have the visual ‘appeal’- I’m not sure why but I know what I like and what I would immediately delete as garbage.
The 2nd example had instant eye appeal and attraction. It also contained the one of things I hate the most [but I’m told work] … that is the testimonials. The only thing worse is spelling errors! Every computer or O/S has a spellcheck option with it…so why don’t they use it?
I’ve only been in this business since mid 2006 and already I’m getting jaded!
denis
Sylvie Laflamme said,
October 24, 2006 @ 9:09 pm
Example 1 is the poor… example 2 attrack me very much.
I realize how much I’ve to learn for my sale copy.
Thank you for this little exercice.
Vivyrelax
http://www.vivyrelax.com
Bobby Prajitno said,
October 24, 2006 @ 9:13 pm
Henry,
First of all, with regards to the copywriting.
- First example has credibility problem by offering ‘lost cost’ products right on top.
- Color theme wise, 2nd example is more aesthetically pleasing to the eyes.
- Credibility is also stronger in 2nd example by having testimonial that touches the visual sense in having photo of the person giving testimonial, even though the name Henry Gold in itself is already established in the marketplace.
- Sub heading in 2nd example helps highlighting the benefits, while 1st example has sub heading only when it comes to calling for action
- 2nd example has time-critical call for action to enjoy the special price
With the above said, I’d say 2nd example would convert better.
However, I would be suspicious about someone who is selling at 99% discount. I mean.. come on, seriously, I will have lots of doubts that the products itself can really sell in the already very competitive internet marketing space.
Regards
Bobby
Bobby Prajitno said,
October 24, 2006 @ 9:46 pm
another thing is the use of frame in 2nd example, which may be more pleasant to the viewers but not sure of on-page SEO friendliness
Mohammed said,
October 24, 2006 @ 9:52 pm
i will go for Example 2, As This forcess the reader to take action.
Mark said,
October 24, 2006 @ 10:00 pm
The first was a bunch of spellin & grammar errors that drive me NUTS! how can a person expect to be taken seriously if they can’t even take the time to edit their copy!!?!?!!?
All the vague promises, pricing, and etc. are fakey, too.
rico caveglia said,
October 24, 2006 @ 10:09 pm
Yes definitely Henry’s site is way better for all the reasons already mentioned. I also do agree that at first glance though most all sales page sites look about the same. We should all put our heads together and come up with a new better format??? Also for me when the offer has too many products and bonuses I know that i will never have time to read or see them all, which creates more stress. I prefer just one good product that I can really use and know i will use. That’s why I signed up for this course it is mostly just about copywritng, only one basis thing to focus on.
Ali said,
October 25, 2006 @ 7:26 am
I couldn’t read example 2. There was so much red, large fonts, numbers and crossouts I had a hard time focusing on anything. What I got out of it was that I was going to have to spend money on a risk venture.
Hamish said,
October 25, 2006 @ 11:50 am
Example 2 is the better one. The only thing I wasn’t 100% sure about was the scrolling within a frame to see some of the products/bonuses.
Roger said,
October 25, 2006 @ 2:46 pm
Neither website is very well written. However, there is less hype in Example 1 and it is better organized then Example 2. Good copywriting does not have to ’shout’ in order to sell a product. This is the problem with Example 2. Also there are too many sub-heads and the overuse of color and highlighting in Example 2. This serves to interrupt the flow of the message almost to the point of being annoying.
Both websites suffer from the fact that there are not enough testimonials and/or a link to testimonials to convince me to invest in either package.
Also, both websites offer too many bonuses. When the bonuses are touted as much or even more than the actual product(s) being offered I question the quality of the original offer. For me, a laundry list of bonuses is a turn off rather than an enticement to buy and it tells me the seller does not have complete faith in their original offer. The only justification in my mind for ever offering bonuses are that they are directly related or complement the original offer.
There is no mention of the sellers name (other than the name “Jeffrey” in the P.P.S.) in Example 1or any contact information for that matter. This immediately sends up a red flag as to the credibility of the information and the package being offered.
Also, I agree with Mark about the spelling and grammatical errors in Example 1. It is ABSOLUTELY the single biggest turn-off and instantly negates any believeablity in the offer being presented even if that person is a so-called ‘internet guru’.
Nesambe said,
November 8, 2006 @ 10:36 pm
I’ll go with example 2 coz it’s atrract me immediately, but surely ther might be some negates.
NWM said,
June 29, 2007 @ 5:58 am
I’ll Go for page no. 2, very specific. the testimonial with picture give the site more credibility.