Strong Headline vs Weak Headline
View the page live (click here)
- vs -
View the page live (click here)
One website converts 0.1% and the other website converts 1.3%. (That is a 1,200% increase on the sales conversion)
One of the biggest reasons for this is because we are using a stronger headline…
Can you figure out which headline is stronger, and why?
Tell Us Your Comments Below!
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Hannah said,
October 16, 2006 @ 5:39 pm
The first headline is better because it solves a problem. It focuses on the buyer and speaks directly to him. The second headline’s focus is on Henry Gold. Only his mother will be excited to see his name there, no-one else
Sorry Henry 
Bob said,
October 16, 2006 @ 6:18 pm
I choose the first. It is more about me, the consumer, and offers a specific promise that in one week I’ll be better at copywritintg.
Jerry (Daryl) McCoy said,
October 16, 2006 @ 7:37 pm
Hi,
Headline 1 should be the stronger performer because it immediately tells the reader the techniques being taught are secret, proven and tested. I’m also given a timeline of one week to improve my copywriting skills which means this isn’t going to require a long learning curve.
Headline 2 builds up Henry Gold more than focusing on the consumer’s needs and that still leaves me asking ‘what’s in it for me?’.
Jerry
http://www.itsaboutcash.com
Edwin Green said,
October 16, 2006 @ 8:21 pm
I would say #2 did better because of the “Personal” approach.
Kevin said,
October 16, 2006 @ 8:57 pm
Header # 1 looks to me to be the one converting the best since it offers to solve a problem that I the consumer have rather than talking about how great the author is. The basic WIIFM principle.
Mark Tse said,
October 16, 2006 @ 9:00 pm
I would choose #1 because of the time value “One Week” and the word “Transform” rather than “Teach”.
Another factor I see is the first person versus third person. But I am not sure whether this helps or not.
Michael said,
October 16, 2006 @ 9:31 pm
I’d go with headline #1
Focuses on me( consumer)
and uses specifics with the timeline
Andy Immotna said,
October 16, 2006 @ 9:43 pm
I’d go for the first headline!
It has a challenging impact and people likes being challenged!
With that said, readers tends to finish on reading on what’s the meat thus you’ve get them! 
Andy
www.inf-o-asis.com
“Access and oasis of infoproducts!”
Nizam said,
October 16, 2006 @ 10:53 pm
I go for no.2 as Henry shows his credibility.
RALPH said,
October 16, 2006 @ 11:01 pm
Number 1 For sure. It appeals to a definitive time line, actions to move on it now, and it is not invasive, or suggestive of the users abilities. Or lack thereof.
Seth Chong said,
October 17, 2006 @ 12:40 am
Yeah Mark Tze’s points –
No. 1’s the choice.
Specific time, 1 week.
And a conversation definitely makes it feel a whole lot different.
People will usually love the fast way out, so “transform” most probably works better than “teach”.
Ian said,
October 17, 2006 @ 2:16 am
Using a program I have, the first headline scores better than the second, regardless of colour and style.
Headline 1 scored 171
Headline 2 scored 135
I did some playing with the first one and increased the score to 382 (which still isn’t the best, anything over 600 is the best I just didn’t have time).
You Can Become A Powerful Copywriter In One Week With Proven And Tested Secret Methods, Guaranteed!
Britt Malka said,
October 17, 2006 @ 2:56 am
I find the first headline stronger, BUT I’ve learned that a red headline should convert more than a black, and the second headline is more red than the first. Still, I think the first is stronger.
Britt Malka
www.16min.com
“Learn how to Speed Read in only 16 minutes”
Frank McMillon said,
October 17, 2006 @ 11:21 am
In my opinion, headline #1 is stonger. Although, in the second headline he is branding himself.
Paul Stack said,
October 18, 2006 @ 1:08 pm
I am moved to action by Headline No. 1 more than Headline No. 2. The headline writer asks me to give up something very valuable (a week of my time) and, in exchange, will give me something that I greatly want to be … a Great Copywriter. I’m emotionally engaged!
Starts with where I’m at (not a great copywriter), paints a vision of where we are going, and give a credible method on how to get there (proved methods taught in one week). When can we get started?
MadChas said,
October 18, 2006 @ 1:27 pm
Hi Henry,
I see that most people are voting for #1.
I really have to go for #2.
The thing that grabs me the most between the two headlines is
“Personally Teach You”
That one line makes me think that I may have some actual one-on-one interaction with Henry Gold.
Edwin Green said,
October 18, 2006 @ 1:36 pm
Okay Henry this is my second post on this.
I still pick #2 because of the “personal factor”.
**1** - It tells me Who Is Going To Teach Me!
**2** - It tells me How I Am Going To Be Taught.
**3** - It tells me What I am Going To Be Taught.
**4** - It tells me The Qualifications Of What I Will Learn.
So what have I missed?
Ed Green
Rodney said,
October 18, 2006 @ 1:40 pm
Headline 2 interests me, and I assume others more for a couple reasons. One, as stated before, it is mostly red vs. black, 2, it is more personable, and avoids the “I” word.
For those visitors that know who Henry Gold is, the headline immediately gives them a sense of trust. For those who don’t, it probably sparks at least mild curiosity. Either way the headline should do what it is designed to do, which is to get the visitor to read the next line. The remainder of the copy, if read, is actually what does the sale.
Another reason I prefer the second headline is that it uses two powerful words, “You” and “How”. It also promises to “teach” me, not “transform” me, so I find it actually more believable
Eric Graham said,
October 18, 2006 @ 1:51 pm
Henry,
From my own testing experience I would have to say that headline #2 is converting much better for you. (At least when targeting the Internet marketing niche.)
There are several things which that headline is doing better than the first headline.
First of all… The purpose of a headline is simply to grab the readers attention and guide them into reading your first paragraph.
Headline #2 does a better job on both counts.
Headline #1 is based on a time tested, format that works well in many niches. However, when writing copy it is critical to keep your target audience in mind.
In this case, the format in headline #1 “Give me one week and…” is way overused in the IM niche. Because of that, your target readers are desensitized to it, and it fails to grab their attention.
As someone else already mentioned, an additional headline variable that can impact the effectiveness is color. And, in many niches red headlines pull best. So theuse of more red in headline #2 probably helps grab your visitors attention as well.
Additionally, while you body copy should be written in first person, often I’ve found headlines written in third person, such as “Henry Gold will…”, are perceived as more objective. They convey a bit of “social proof”, because they seem to be coming from a third party. Much like a testimonial.
You are also using a phrase in #2 that has tested very well… “will Personally Teach You”. Particularly in the Internet marketing niche, people are looking for that “personal touch”. This headline tells them that, this in not going to be just another ebook, teleseminar or dry course. They are going to be “personally taught and guided”.
You are positioning yourself as more of a coach and mentor. You are going to “personally teach” them.
And finally…
The words “Become A Powerful Copywriter” are in black, in the middle of the headline.
Using the word “Become” in this spot and making these words stand out from the rest of your headline, you are almost embedding a command within the headline.
The most eye catching and attention grabbing part of your headline, also becomes the main benefit or big promise for what you are offering… “Become A Powerful Copywriter”.
All of these elements add up to a much stronger headline.
Now, that being said… I do think that the color variation between headline #1 and headline #2, actually adds an additional variable into your testing mix. This makes the overall results of your test a bit less accurate.
Ideally I would have like to see you test BOTH headlines in red, with the “powerful copywriter”, “become a powerful copywriter” in black.
This would have isolated your variables to just the copy in the headlines. But I still think that overall your results are valid and headline #2 is the winner.
Happy testing!
Eric Graham,
“The Conversion Doctor”
Ted said,
October 18, 2006 @ 1:57 pm
Hi!
Hedline# 1 is best. Personly written.
Better text. The inportent word is red.
Hedline# 2 Someone else has wrote that or?
To much red text.
Ted Lundin
www.admitweb.com
Cecil Ming said,
October 18, 2006 @ 3:18 pm
Headline #2 is by far the most powerful. By creating a chance to be “Personally” taught to apply the “Secrets” that are “Proven” and “tested” , eliminating the fear of being left to figure it out on your own, the headline goes directly to the unconscious to pre-dispose the reader to have the confidence they will actually get help to succeed.
Alan said,
October 18, 2006 @ 3:54 pm
Headline 2 will pull better because it includes the embedded command “become a powerful copyrighter”.
It also identifies the author instead of being a “nameless” authority.
Just a quick evaluation.
- Alan Tutt
http://www.KeysToPowerPersuasion.com
Robert A Kearse said,
October 18, 2006 @ 4:08 pm
Who is Henry Gold??
If the prospect knows, and Henry is viewed as an authority
figure, then #2 should convert better. It suggest personal,
hands on involvement such as from a mentor.
I know the fine print at the bottom is virtually the same, but
firtst the headline has to provoke the prospect to read that far.
The first headline suggests the instruction could be from an
impersonal report, ebook or minicourse.
Also, I find the ONE WEEK claim to be HYPE.
Just my 2 cents worth. . . .
Oleg Ilin said,
October 18, 2006 @ 4:12 pm
Hi Henry,
To me it’s obvious that second headline will pull much better results.
And the main difference is not the color (though red color does help), the main difference is that you positioned yourself as an expert on a second headline.
“I will transofrm you…” leaves a question: “And Who are You to transform Me?” “Transform” is a very strong word, and nobody can actually be transformed in such a short period of time. It just sounds like another wanna-be is trying to sell you something.
However, you certainly can learn something in a week, and that’s what teaching does - it allows you to learn. (Teaching is used in a second headline).
When you mention your name, and say that you will teach “personally”, it implies that your name means something in your niche market, and that you have a social proof that gives you the right to teach.
Then you confirm this implication by stating that your techniques are “proven and tested”, thus re-inforcing the image of an expert on a sub-conscious level.
And in parallel with establishing yourself as authority and hence building trust, you also trigger reader’s curiosity by using the words “How to”, “powerful” and “secret”.
And of course, you also use the word that most readers like to read as many times as possible (lol) - I am talking about the word “YOU”.
But I see that many people think different…
Good study case!
Nelson Goncalves said,
October 18, 2006 @ 4:14 pm
Both Headlines at first glance look great but as you said one converts at 0.1% and the other at 1.3%.
So which one?
Lets look at the whole picture. A headline grabs attention that’s it. What converts is the continuation of the headline into the sales copy I.E your 2nd headline.
So if your 2nd header doesn’t close the sale you loosing out.
Here’s an example
Headline
” Join this fantastic program it will cost you $1000 ”
{ok it’s a crap healine, but I’m trying to make a point}
Sub headline
” If you choose to do so and don’t make $3000 at the end of three months I will personally pay $3000 AND REFUND YOUR $1000 ”
See what I mean…
Now if the person reads any further, they are pritty much sold, It’s called Preselling {do I hear Ken Evoy or Hilton Johnson ????}.
So lets break them down if both of these headlines were to be placed in a PPC search engine I wouldn’t be surprised to see if their result would be similar.
But if you intergrate the second healine, whoooaa that’s a different story.
My Vote is headline 2, why??
Colour does play a part in grabbing the attention, But Converting I would have to test that to make sure…
But your sub headline sold me,
“Learn The Step-by-Step System to Develop Your Own Copywriting Skills In This Intensive Coaching Program. From A Marketer Who Has Been Widely Recognized on Transforming Words Into Sales.”
I Felt as if i was going to be personally lead by a coach Henry Gold “Who Has Been Widely Recognized on Transforming Words Into Sales.”
That’s very powerful.
But, This is all assumption, the only way to really know why the one converts better than the other is to ask the customers via a survey.
Toby said,
October 18, 2006 @ 5:45 pm
Hey, Henry!
The answer isn’t in the headline at all - it’s in the 4 SEATS LEFT portion of the sales page!
By showing the maximum allotment, then wacking away at that number, then putting a sense of urgency to the fact that time is running out - “4 Seats LEFT” - you are GRABBING the prospect’s attention and compelling him to get with it before the seats are all gone.
Respectfully,
Toby Sheets
Toby said,
October 18, 2006 @ 5:51 pm
PS: I forgot to mention that the first headline states “Only 21 seats Available!” but that doesn’t give nearly as much urgency as the second headline with only “4 Seats LEFT”. I’d be compelled to act when I see time is running out:)
Respectfully,
Toby (again)
Donna Gaudreault said,
October 18, 2006 @ 7:15 pm
Neither one is a believable headline. Neither one grabs the confidence of the general consumer. No one believes you will just give away secrets. The words “transform” and “powerful” are laughable and that’s the only way they grab one’s attention. In other words, they grab inattention. The minute you say “give me” or “personally teach” or “henry gold” you believe only that it is unbelievable. Who has a name like “henry gold”? Why would I want his personal knowledge? The minute someone says “give me” it means that I have to pay to get. In conclusion, neither headline is a grabber.
Joe Myers said,
October 18, 2006 @ 8:03 pm
Hello Henry,
I choose number 2-
When I see it I respond to “Become a Powerful Copywriter” as the first line and as the whole appeal - written in bold black print. This is the ‘Stop-Look and Listen’ of your headline.
Most people scanning this headline will get the message and if copywriting is of interest to them they will refresh their interest and completely read the headline.
Seeing the parameters surrounding and pointing to where the ‘power’ will come from is clustered as unconscious awareness knowledge.
1.The expert is named(may be percieved as the expert from afar)Henry Gold.
2.Proven-Tested-Secret implies your knowledge base and validates the pronouncement of your name as the (first listed event) knower and owner of all things in the world of copywriting.
3.This headline can be compared to a red STOP SIGN.
Two after images are present.
1.You have found it!
2.I can deliver it! (If copywriting is your bag.)
The decision to buy is made here.
And, reading the rest of the copy is stacked validation of the ‘buyers’ decision to buy because he/she made an intelligent decision. And of course, finding out what will be taught. But most importantly,confirming the buying decision as being the right choice at the right time -NOW- in the mind of the buyer surpassing buyers remorse and all doubt(s) in the mind of the buyer—–IF the price is right!
Warm Regards,
Joe Myers
Stuart Halpryn said,
October 18, 2006 @ 8:07 pm
Who’s going to teach me?
What qualifies this person to teach me?
And in only one week? Is that possible?
Ahh, the third person ‘testimonial’.
He must be an authority, an expert in
the field who is personally going to
work with me!
Not only that, but the ‘Become a
Powerful Copywriter’ in black,
subliminally imprints itself in your
mind as a hypnotic command……
(pick me henry, pick me!!! )
regards,
stuart
http://TheJVZone.com -
NetActivated’s PREMIER Affiliate Program!
http://NetActivated.Com -
If you DIDN’T buy it from NetActivated, you
paid WAY too much! We’re your ONLY Source for
EVERYTHING the Internet Marketer wants & needs
and ALWAYS at Wholesale Prices!
P.S.
Want WAY too much software with FULL Resell
Rights for under 9 Cents EACH? Get it before
it’s gone - http://ygm.net/ava4
P.P.S.
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Mark Baines said,
October 18, 2006 @ 8:40 pm
Henry,
I AM a potential customer, so the answer I’m giving is as if this WERE a survey, and not a comparative “case study”. That said, I’d have to say that headline #2 probably converts better. Why? If I KNEW the absolute details of that, I probably wouldn’t need to consider this course, now would I?
However, I DO need help in this area so, in the spirit of the “customer survey”, I’ll tell you what I THINK, OK?
OVERALL, the second sales page grabbed me more than the first for many reasons. The headline itself was more effective, partially because of the smooth literal integration with the sub-headline — the “teaching” and “learning” aspects mesh much better in the psyche in #1 than in #2 because the reader “knows” that they can “become” a powerful copywriter… if only they are given the right instruction, and that is the key overt message in headline #1. The use of colour in #1 helps to provide that punch and speaks to the desire of the potential customer/student: “…become a powerful copywriter”.
Headline #1 also inspires the potential customer to feel that he/she will be treated on a more personal level through the use of that very word to emphasize the style of teaching to take place — they will be instructed at a personal level. All this comes through in headline #1 much more clearly, and yet from a more objective perspective due to the use of the 3rd person “voice” in which the headline is written. That 3rd person voice also adds credibility, as it makes the headline’s claim seem to be coming from someone other than the merchant. This (along with the identical text which exists on both sales pages that has been referred to already by a previous post — ) also lends to the “social proof” that helps make the customer more willing to invest in the course.
You are identified first, (by the headline) and then your expertise is provided in the SAME 3rd person “authoritative/narrative” voice in the sub-headline.
Headline #1 moves from the “I will…”1st person quotation to a 3rd person narrative — “from a marketer who has been…” and then BACK to the 1st person for the bulk of the sales page. This interrupts the flow from one section to the next. When combined with the actual TEXT of headline #1, it’s enough to make the reader less comfortable and secure about getting the “personal” and “expert” instruction that is so clearly identified in Headline #2 — if not overtly, then certainly sub-consciously.
Since the “mastery of copywriting” is the SUBJECT of the course, it would be expected that this consistency of “flow”, (essential to good copywriting), such as in example #2 SHOULD be evident in the sales page itself — more actual proof that the provider knows of what he’s going to speak… and that he can teach ME by providing the service at a truly “expert” level that will meet or even exceed my needs.
In terms of what I’ve previously read about headlines — that up to 75% of your sales page success is based on the effectiveness of the headline itself. When the role of the headline to the flow of the subsequent writing is considered for both of the examples given, headline #2 is clearly the more effective.
Headline #2 is also more useful and ultra specific, since it instantly provides the name of the expert who will give the instruction right up front, and ensures me that the element of personal attention to MY needs which will be met. This, combined with the assertions given in the sub-heading — which, although it is common to both, flows much more smoothly as an introduction to the “personal letter” format of the opening of the body of the page — gives creedence to the reader’s expectation that this WILL be “expert” instruction, and more than that, it will be delivered “personally” to the willing recipient.
I don’t yet know if the font is significant, if one style is more pleasing to most — but I found that the block style of Headline #1 wasn’t as comfortable on the eyes, and that of Headline #2 was more in keeping with the traditional idea of “copywriting” to me personally, because it looked more like actual “type” from the old days.
I may be way off base, but that’s the way I see it — and that’s my “survey comment” if you’re doing testing through blog responses.
Henry Gold said,
October 18, 2006 @ 8:47 pm
Hi Robert,
You are very close.
Even though I can personally make someone learn
the concepts of becoming a powerful copywriter in one
week, but most of the general audiences might think
differently.
Good thought on that!
Henry,
Mark Baines said,
October 18, 2006 @ 8:48 pm
Other than my comment about which headline grabbed me the most (#2) please switch references to #1 to references to #2 in my first two paragraphs, please… DOH! (See, I DO need help, Henry!).
Oh, and the other “U” I left out — “urgency”. Clearly, the page with less “seats” remaining provides for that, and that’s a huge factor as well!
Henry Gold said,
October 18, 2006 @ 8:49 pm
Hi Joe,
The pricing can effect the decision people
are making based on the headline.
So, you are right on target as well!
Henry,
Artyom said,
October 18, 2006 @ 11:48 pm
I personally choose headline #2. This is some magic in it. Printed in red, Henry’s techniques become extremely secret and much more proven.
At the same time, the first headline are workable too. #2 is for unknown people mainly while #1 is for “proven and tested” customers who know Henry and believe him.
Libby Campbell said,
October 19, 2006 @ 12:33 am
Henry:
The first headline of “Give Me One Week and I Will Transform You into A Powerful Copywriter With My Proven and Tested Techniques” appears to be great until you compare that of the second headline of “Henry Gold will Personally Teach You How to Become a Powerful Copywriter with His Proven And Tested Secret Techniques.”
The second headline has my vote as it identifies the individual that will be teaching which implies instant credibility of being an expert as a copywriter. In addition, it helps the reader to answer the immediate question of “WHO” is teaching the course.
Along with identifing the individual that is teaching, established credibility of expertise but you have implied a level of intimitacy with the word of ?personally teach.? That allows the reader to transform what might be an ordinary course into a personal journey with an expert.
The second headline also implies you have “secret techniques” so you have instantly engaged the readers sense of curosity of “What is the secret?” The word ?secret? is a great “hook.” If you have an audience that has an interest or need to learn copywriting skills then we can make some assumptions about the reader or prospective client or target market. Those assumptions could be:
1. The reader has some copywriting experience and has a need or desire to expand their knowledge.
2. The reader has attempted writing their own copy with limited success and has a need or desire to expand their knowledge and increase their success.
3. The reader has no knowledge of copywriting and desire to learn the trade for personal growth.
Gaining an emotional ?buy in? of a prospective client makes for a transition from prospect to buyer. Of course the final verbal hook or icing on the cake if you will is that the secret involves tested techniques. Who does not want to know a ?secret??
The question that lingers in my mind is if you would have added a timeline to it would it have increased your conversion rates even more or does that add an air of being unbelievable. For example,
“Henry Gold will Personally Teach You in 6 Hours How to Become a Powerful Copywriter with His Proven And Tested Secret Techniques.”
That is my two cents from a novice that is certainly looking forward to your course.
Dan Pueppke said,
October 19, 2006 @ 12:36 am
#1 converts better : People buy from people. This headline speaks in first person. Sales is a dialog between only two people, you(the marketer) and the prospect. You must engage the emotions of the prospect with a first person conversation in order for the emotional trigger or power words to have their intended effect. Any other approach and the copy is seen as a ruse or pitch and the prospects emotional barriers rise in defense.
You’ve engaged the prospects emotions by issuing a challenge coupled with the urgency of the one week deadline. Would we not all like to be correct in proving that the call to action could not be accomplished in the alloted time frame? So therefore, the prospect accepts the challenge.
There, now my head too, is on the chopping block with an opinion.
And dear readers, what do YOU think? Engage ME, why am I incorrect?
Best Regards,
Dan Pueppke-COO
Dakota Daughter Enterprises, LLC
Alexandria, SD
USA
Bruce Shaw said,
October 19, 2006 @ 1:36 am
#2 converts better.
When it comes right down to it your mind only remembers so much. The red attracts your eye to the area and your mind only remembers the words in black “Become a powerful copywriter”. Then the sales letter takes over making the sell based upon the person wanting to become a powerful copywriter. You don’t need to over analyze it.
Tammy Mays said,
October 19, 2006 @ 2:14 am
I think that #2 converts better because for one, it is written in third person. Therefore, anyone reading it whether they know you and your copywriting abilities or not, it will be believable to them because It looks as if an expert third person is giving you credibility.
Also, the emphasis on “me” and what is in it for me which is”personally teach me” would sway me toward #2.
Proven and tested “secret” techniques also grabs my attention because there is just something about a “secret” that makes me want to find out what that “secret” is.
Henry, this is a wild guess and probably way off track and if so will show you how much I really need this class!! LOL
Tammy Mays said,
October 19, 2006 @ 2:17 am
sorry I did not put in my email
Steven said,
October 19, 2006 @ 4:37 am
I believe that it’s because of the colors used in the headline in site #2,
the black lettering, telling you that you can be a “powerful copywriter”.
This tells you that there is a solution to your writng problems that “you
can be”. Also, it corresponds with the black underline statement underneath which your eyes are drawn to stating that “you can develop your own style”.
It’s all about the person finding their answer to how to improve their copywriting skills.
Lisa said,
October 19, 2006 @ 5:00 am
It’s in the “red”—#1 stands OUT: A Powerful Copywriter
Frederick Roth said,
October 19, 2006 @ 5:27 am
After staring at both versions for quit a while, I decided I really have no idea. You definitely have peaked my curiosity.
My uneducated guess would be version 2, which is kind of like a recommendation or testimonial from a mysterious 3rd person.
As a sidebar, there is a typo in both ads “97% of sales letter” should be “… sales letters”.
There is also a funny typo later on in the letter. It refers to “turning on the fire HORSE”- I think this should be “hose”, unless you happen to live in an Amish community.
Dave Davies said,
October 19, 2006 @ 8:34 am
I immediately felt more “connected” to headline #2 but I’m not totally sure why. The phrase “Become a Powerful Copywriter” in black seemed to capture my attention. Also, it goes to credibility. Who the heck is the “I” in headline #1?
I like the word “teach” vs. transform. Transform seems to hype-like. I also like the phrase “Personally teach”. Maybe that’s why I feel more comfortable and interested in the proposal because I know who will teach me.
The red font jumps out at me and drew my eye much quicker but having the black in the center is very dynamic.
The use of “I” and “My” in the 1st headline is too ego-driven. I like the 3rd party endorsement feel of the 2nd headline.
Now, if I can get an expert to write a great headline for my offer at
CashVendor.com for under $50….or maybe, just learn from Henry how to do it myself
Ted said,
October 19, 2006 @ 2:27 pm
Ted again
At hedline 1 you tell them to “Develop Your One Copywrithing Skills In
A One Week Intensive Program”.
The time is very important here.
At hedline 2 You don’t talk how long time this Intensive Coaching Program will take.
Ted Lundin
Jason Cooper said,
October 20, 2006 @ 1:59 pm
CONGRATULATIONS to Mark Baines… Mark is the winner with his comment, and we have extended a free invitation to Mark to join the coaching program currently in progress!
There will be more contests and winners as we move forward on this project, so make sure that you are participating because the next BIG winner could be YOU!
- Jason Cooper
TheCopywritingSecret.com Cordinator
Mark Baines said,
October 21, 2006 @ 4:32 pm
And I have graciously accepted. THANKS! Looking forward to learning Copywriting Secrets from Henry G. And to other bloggers — I had no idea I’d actually win, so take Jason’s advice and enter future contests — like me, you may just be pleasantly surprised by an invitation in YOUR incoming email!
Respectfully,
Mark Baines,
President/CEO
www.canadiansuccess.ca
Michael said,
October 22, 2006 @ 8:17 pm
The first headline is compelling you to take action and immediately positions Henry as the expert. Furthermore, it promises considerable benefit to the reader within a definite, short, but not unbelievable time. It establishes a direct relationship, rather than a third party relationship as in the second headline, between the reader and Henry. “Transform” is a very powerful action word which promises more concrete results compared to “teach”.
Jim McCarthy said,
October 22, 2006 @ 10:13 pm
Just about every point imaginable has been covered by one or the others who have already responded, but I’d still have to say that #1 is the better producer.
My reason is simply that my first reaction to both favored the first (probably for all the reasons above) and, given the limited seconds a reader will spend on any headline, a first reaction will most always deliver better.
I wouldn’t want to arm wrestle your students on the point, but that’s my gut reaction.
Shama Sankaran said,
October 23, 2006 @ 1:00 am
Hi,
I will go with the 2nd headline.
You are creating intimacy with your reader by using your name. Again, if your target market is your subscriber list, then they know you. You are saying something meaningful to them. You are making a promise to them that you will personally teach them to become a powerful copywriter. The word “You” - again - the reader will feel that you are targetting him/her personally.
It is also said that the words “How To…..” are also powerful. You are offering them something, a promise to do something, in this case, teach them to become a powerful copywriter.
Create credibility - using your name upfront and “proven and tested secret techniques” sugggests that it has been used and it works. Secret techniques - stirs curiosity - touches the emotion of the reader.
The phrases “How to become a powerful copywriter” and “develop his own copywriting skills” - also challenges the reader to take action to develop his own skills and also give a promise _ become a powerful copywriter.
The phrase “become a Powerful Copywriter” - hypnotic powerful words - subtle - telling you that you will become a powerful copywriter. Also font color - powerful copywriter -different color from the rest of the headline.
Step-by-step system - makes the reader feel comfortable, that there is a system to follow, one step at a time.
Headline is a little unique in that you show that you are confident by using your name up front. Bold, confident.
Shama
Malaysia
James Howard said,
October 23, 2006 @ 1:19 am
Number 1
Because it gives a time to succeed
Judy Kettenhofen said,
October 23, 2006 @ 3:54 am
Hi all!
Well, I know that Mark Baines was the person you selected, so that leaves the other half of the challenge you’ve thrown down, Henry: “what other information you could find on his post to the key of figuring out the “code” of the copywriting secret.”
The first strong hint that Mark gives as to the code is this: “from a more objective perspective due to the use of the 3rd person ‘voice’”. When a claim is made, it’s a human reaction to ask “Who says so?” Here it is not Henry Gold making this claim, but an unknown speaker, giving weight to Henry Gold’s expertise. But why is Henry Gold’s expertise important?
We shall return to this question in a moment.
Mark also implicitly points out how the headline answers questions the reader may have in mind. He points out that he is a candidate for the “what” in the headline: copywriting. As I noted above, the headline also indicates the “who”: Henry Gold.
Then, Mark also points out how he feels about the answer to the “how” question: “ensures me that the element of personal attention to MY needs which will be met.”
So, by answering the questions of “who”, “what” and “how”, the reader is given more confidence that the writer knows to, and how to, answer the questions in the reader’s mind.
Mark also discusses a number of elements which are more aesthetic in nature: the “meshing” of the word “learning” and “teaching”, the “flow” with the subheadline, and the more pleasing, easy-on-the-eyes font of the second headline.
So why are all these things important? First, at a subliminal level, the font, flow and other aesthetics provide a level of confidence in the reader, though he may not be as aware of it — since most people don’t pick apart headlines.
The ability to answer the questions in the reader’s mind also subliminally adds to the confidence the reader has. It gives the reader a more concrete idea of what is being offered.
And, finally, the third person wording and the use of an expert’s name (and, if you are interested in copywriting, It doesn’t matter if you know who Henry Gold is or not, because that question is answered later) bring the reader’s experience full-circle.
And what does this all add up to?
Before giving the answer, let’s look at why this quality is so important. We are bombarded by an amazing number of advertising messages in a day. It was recently reported that we are exposed to thousands, and tens-of-thousands, of advertising messages a day.
As they say…”talk is cheap”. How do we know who to believe?
The secret, the code, then, is “credibility”. Both thru the direct experience of the reader to the headline, as well as answering the reader’s questions, and indicating that a specific person, a specific expert, go a long ways to set up believability, credibility, in the reader’s mind.
Granted, not *all* of the credibility is established in headline. But if I’m interested in copywriting (which I most certainly am!), and I didn’t know who Henry Gold is — I’d certainly be reading to find out, and find out what he has to offer, what he has to teach, that will empower my copywriting.
Thank you, Henry, and Jason, for the opportunity to participate in a very engaging exercise. It has heightened my sensitivity to various copy elements (oh, and thanks to all the posters, too! much to chew on in their posts as well.)
Best Regards,
Judy Kettenhofen
Klibros said,
October 23, 2006 @ 4:55 pm
A great headline makes a promise; sets a time frame, indicates credibility and uses colors that show reliability as well as emphasis…so it should be #1 that converts the most.
It starts with a time frame, makes a promise, refers to proven/tested techniques and uses black [reliable] with red for emphasis.
Besides it sure attracted me.
Klibros
http://www.online-degree-info.com
Jeff said,
October 24, 2006 @ 3:20 pm
At first I went for number one. It had less red to attract the eye, but it gave a time frame.
As this is a non real environment, I reflected and put myself in a situation where I was going to part with my hard earned money. Just reflecting on the headline and no other copy, I would now go for number two. The reason? The name is there. Not just the personal touch, but I can now search the web and find out just how good this Henry Gold is.
Anyway that’s my view.
Best Regards,
Jeff.
Graham said,
October 25, 2006 @ 4:04 pm
Hi Henry
its got to be no 2
Henry Gold is going to personaly teach ME !!!! WOW !!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!
no 1 is too impersonal and no one would really believe that you could be turned into a good copywriter in a week.
regards
Graham
spots said,
October 27, 2006 @ 4:32 am
I go for the 2nd headline because a tried and tested and successful teacher is shown to teach you what he has been doing for a long time. In other words, a successful person is teaching you how to be successful.
nnamdi said,
October 27, 2006 @ 4:35 am
I definitely go for the 2nd headline. A truly successful copywriter is teaching me what he does. THIS IS IT.
Cheryl Wright said,
November 3, 2006 @ 1:08 am
In my opinion headline #2 is the more powerful and would bring better results. The reasons are:
The use of red in the headline
It talks directly and personally to the reader (YOU)
Using Henry Gold’s name would also be a big help
Cheryl